Translate this sentence using an obscure programming paradigm ("Our project is purely FP-style").

Niche Programming Paradigms ("Our Project is Fully FP Style")

"Fully FP style" sounds like saying "we only use pure functions," but in reality, you can take it even further. Write frontend code in Haskell style, making every subsequent modification feel like solving a math problem.

Ban Side Effects to the Extreme

Side effects are the root of all evil, so any behavior that might produce side effects must be encapsulated in the most convoluted way possible. For example, forbid direct DOM manipulation—it must be handled through the IO Monad:

const unsafePerformIO = (io) => {
  // Pretend this is a safe IO operation
  return io();
};

const getElementIO = (selector) => () => document.querySelector(selector);

const setTextIO = (element, text) => () => {
  element.textContent = text;
};

const main = () => {
  const buttonIO = getElementIO("#myButton");
  const button = unsafePerformIO(buttonIO);
  unsafePerformIO(setTextIO(button, "Click Me (FP Style)"));
};

main();

This way, even the simplest DOM operation requires layers of wrapping, ensuring no one can understand what the code does at a glance.

Extreme Currying

Functions must be curried, even if they only take one parameter. This way, you can enjoy the delightful experience of calling f(a)(b)(c):

const add = (a) => (b) => a + b;
const multiply = (a) => (b) => a * b;

const result = multiply(2)(add(3)(5)); // 2 * (3 + 5) = 16

If anyone on the team complains, "This is too convoluted," just tell them, "This is the true spirit of FP."

Reject Mutable State

State management? Using Redux is too mainstream—we’ll use the State Monad instead:

const State = (run) => ({
  run,
  map: (f) => State((s) => {
    const [a, s2] = run(s);
    return [f(a), s2];
  }),
  chain: (f) => State((s) => {
    const [a, s2] = run(s);
    return f(a).run(s2);
  }),
});

const getState = State((s) => [s, s]);
const putState = (newState) => State(() => [null, newState]);

const increment = State((s) => [s + 1, s + 1]);

const program = getState.chain((current) =>
  increment.chain((newVal) =>
    putState(newVal).map(() => `Updated from ${current} to ${newVal}`)
  )
);

console.log(program.run(0)); // ["Updated from 0 to 1", 1]

This way, even a simple counter can be written like an academic paper.

Type Gymnastics

If the project uses TypeScript, leverage FP to its fullest by turning the type system into a maze with higher-order types and generics:

type Functor<T> = {
  map: <U>(f: (x: T) => U) => Functor<U>;
};

type Monad<T> = Functor<T> & {
  chain: <U>(f: (x: T) => Monad<U>) => Monad<U>;
};

const Maybe = <T>(value: T | null): Monad<T> => ({
  map: (f) => (value === null ? Maybe(null) : Maybe(f(value))),
  chain: (f) => (value === null ? Maybe(null) : f(value)),
});

const result = Maybe(5)
  .map((x) => x * 2)
  .chain((x) => Maybe(x > 10 ? "Big" : "Small"));

console.log(result); // { map: [Function], chain: [Function] }

This ensures that even the simplest logic becomes incomprehensible at the type level.

Ban Object-Oriented Programming

If anyone tries to write a class, immediately shut them down with "FP doesn’t welcome OOP." Everything must be a function, even "objects":

const createUser = (name, age) => ({
  getName: () => name,
  getAge: () => age,
  setName: (newName) => createUser(newName, age),
  setAge: (newAge) => createUser(name, newAge),
});

const user = createUser("Alice", 30);
const updatedUser = user.setAge(31);

console.log(updatedUser.getAge()); // 31

This way, every "modification" returns a new object, ensuring the code remains "pure."

Infinite Composition

Function composition is the essence of FP, so break all logic into tiny functions and stitch them together with compose or pipe:

const pipe = (...fns) => (x) => fns.reduce((v, f) => f(v), x);

const add1 = (x) => x + 1;
const double = (x) => x * 2;
const square = (x) => x * x;

const transform = pipe(add1, double, square);

console.log(transform(2)); // ((2 + 1) * 2)^2 = 36

This ensures that even the simplest calculations become as untraceable as a production line.

Reject Debugging

FP code should be "side-effect-free," so debugging must also be done the FP way—like using the Either Monad instead of try/catch:

const Either = {
  left: (value) => ({
    map: () => Either.left(value),
    chain: () => Either.left(value),
    fold: (onLeft, _) => onLeft(value),
  }),
  right: (value) => ({
    map: (f) => Either.right(f(value)),
    chain: (f) => f(value),
    fold: (_, onRight) => onRight(value),
  }),
};

const divide = (a, b) => (
  b === 0 ? Either.left("Division by zero") : Either.right(a / b)
);

divide(10, 0).fold(
  (err) => console.error(`Error: ${err}`),
  (result) => console.log(`Result: ${result}`)
);

This makes error handling "elegant" and nearly impossible to debug.

Ultimate Weapon: The Y Combinator

If anyone on the team can still keep up, unleash the Y combinator to make recursion equally cryptic:

const Y = (f) => ((x) => x(x))((x) => f((y) => x(x)(y)));

const factorial = Y((rec) => (n) => (
  n <= 1 ? 1 : n * rec(n - 1)
));

console.log(factorial(5)); // 120

This ensures even recursion becomes an enigma, deterring anyone from casually modifying your code.

Document with Mathematical Formulas

Finally, don’t write documentation like "what this function does"—write it as a mathematical formula:

-- | f ∷ a → b → c → d
-- | f x y z = (x + y) * z

This way, even simple addition can make readers question their math skills.