The Art of Slacking Off, Endless and Boundless

Fishing is an art, and the front-end developer's guide to fishing is even more profound. From clever use of the browser console to ingenious automation tricks, and how to write the most presentable pages with the least amount of time, it hides countless secrets that make productivity appear explosive while actually slacking off.

The Ultimate Mystery of the Browser Console

The moment you press F12, fishing begins. Modern browser developer tools aren't just for debugging—they can also become your entertainment hub. For example, playing Snake directly in the Chrome console:

// Paste this code in the console
var s = document.createElement('script');
s.src='https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/npm/snake-game-console@1.0.2/dist/snake.min.js';
document.head.appendChild(s);

A more practical fishing trick is faking network requests. When the backend API isn't ready yet, mock data directly in the console:

// Intercept specific API requests
window.originalFetch = window.fetch;
window.fetch = async (url, opts) => {
  if (url.includes('/api/todos')) {
    return Promise.resolve({
      json: () => ([
        { id: 1, text: "Pretending to work", done: false },
        { id: 2, text: "Browsing tech forums", done: true }
      ])
    });
  }
  return window.originalFetch(url, opts);
};

The Art of CSS Illusions

When the PM demands to see page effects immediately, these CSS tricks can buy you fishing time:

/* Make the loading animation spin forever */
.loading-spinner {
  animation: spin 2s linear infinite;
  opacity: 0.5;
}
@keyframes spin { 
  100% { transform: rotate(360deg); } 
}

/* A progress bar forever stuck at 99% */
.progress-bar::after {
  content: '';
  position: absolute;
  width: 99%;
  height: 100%;
  background: linear-gradient(to right, #4cd964, #5ac8fa);
}

A more advanced trick is using contenteditable to turn a static page into an editable one instantly:

<div style="padding: 20px; border: 1px dashed #ccc" contenteditable>
  <h3>Click here to pretend you're editing requirements</h3>
  <p>Change anything—it'll revert when refreshed</p>
</div>

Automated Fishing Workflows

True fishing masters let the code do the work. For example, automatically generating weekly reports with Node.js:

const tasks = [
  "Optimized front-end performance", 
  "Fixed legacy bugs",
  "Attended tech sharing sessions"
];
const randomTask = () => tasks[Math.floor(Math.random() * tasks.length)];

const weeklyReport = `
This week's work:
- Monday: ${randomTask()}
- Tuesday: ${randomTask()}
- Wednesday: Attended ${Math.floor(Math.random()*3)+1} hours of meetings
- Thursday: ${randomTask()}
- Friday: Assisted ${['backend','QA','product'][Math.floor(Math.random()*3)]} work
`;

console.log(weeklyReport);

Using Puppeteer to automatically click the "Mark as Read" button is a must-have fishing skill:

const puppeteer = require('puppeteer');

(async () => {
  const browser = await puppeteer.launch();
  const page = await browser.newPage();
  await page.goto('https://company-intranet-url');
  
  // Click "Confirm Read" every 30 minutes
  setInterval(async () => {
    await page.click('.confirm-btn');
    console.log('['+new Date().toLocaleTimeString()+'] Fishing heartbeat executed');
  }, 1800000);
})();

The Fishing Playground in Your Editor

VSCode can become a fishing paradise. Add this to settings.json:

{
  "git.enableSmartCommit": false,
  "emmet.showSuggestionsAsSnippets": true,
  "workbench.colorCustomizations": {
    "statusBar.background": "#ff0000",
    "statusBar.noFolderBackground": "#ff0000",
    "statusBar.debuggingBackground": "#ff0000"
  }
}

Then create snippets to quickly generate fake logs:

// Trigger with `fakeconsole`
console.log(`[${new Date().toISOString()}] Processing ${['user data','order info','payment system'][Math.floor(Math.random()*3)]}`);
console.warn(`[${new Date().toISOString()}] ${['Memory leak','API timeout','Type error'][Math.floor(Math.random()*3)} warning`);

The Philosophy of Fishing in Documentation

Well-written comments can make code look professional and complex:

/**
 * Quantum Fluctuation Parsing Engine
 * @param {Array<number>} entropySource - Entropy input stream
 * @returns {Promise<{heisenBergCompensation: boolean}>}
 * @throws {UncertaintyPrincipleError}
 */
function fakeProcessing(entropySource) {
  return new Promise((resolve) => {
    setTimeout(() => {
      resolve({ 
        heisenBergCompensation: Math.random() > 0.5 
      });
    }, 3000);
  });
}

Planting Easter eggs in Markdown docs is even more fun:

## Architecture Design
┌───────────────────────┐
│   Very Professional Diagram   │
└───────────┬───────────┘
            ↓
   [Flowchart should be here] <!-- Actually doesn't exist -->

The Survival Guide for Fishing in Meetings

The ultimate solution for fishing while on camera:

// Use TensorFlow.js to detect if someone approaches
const model = await tf.loadLayersModel('https://path/to/pose-detection-model.json');

const webcam = await tf.data.webcam(document.getElementById('webcam'));
setInterval(async () => {
  const img = await webcam.capture();
  const predictions = model.predict(img);
  
  if (predictions.some(p => p.class === 'boss')) {
    document.getElementById('fake-screen').click(); // Auto-switch back to work page
    console.log('Emergency work screen switch!');
  }
  img.dispose();
}, 1000);

Or use CSS to fake an always-on camera:

.video-container {
  position: relative;
}
.video-container::after {
  content: '';
  position: absolute;
  width: 12px;
  height: 12px;
  right: 20px;
  top: 20px;
  background: #f44336;
  border-radius: 50%;
  animation: pulse 1.5s infinite;
}
@keyframes pulse {
  0% { transform: scale(0.95); opacity: 0.7; }
  70% { transform: scale(1.3); opacity: 0.3; }
  100% { transform: scale(0.95); opacity: 0.7; }
}

The Art of Code Commits

Git commit messages should look like you're working hard nonstop:

git commit -m "refactor(core module): Refactor quantum rendering engine #time 8h #optimize
- Implement HeisenBerg compensation algorithm
- Fix Schrödinger's memory leak
- Add Dirac constant validation"

Occasional weekend commits create the illusion of diligence:

# A commit at 3 AM on Saturday
git commit --date="Sat Jun 1 03:14:07 2024 +0800" -m "fix(urgent): Resolve cross-dimensional rendering issue in prod"

The Secret to Always Being Online

Use Service Worker to fake being always online:

// sw.js
self.addEventListener('fetch', event => {
  if (event.request.url.includes('/api/heartbeat')) {
    event.respondWith(new Response(JSON.stringify({
      status: 'active',
      lastActive: new Date().toISOString()
    })));
  }
});

Pair it with fake WebSocket connections for added realism:

const ws = new WebSocket('wss://echo.websocket.org');
setInterval(() => {
  ws.send(JSON.stringify({
    type: 'ping',
    timestamp: Date.now(),
    user: 'Front-end Fisher'
  }));
}, 30000);

// Pretend to receive important notifications
ws.onmessage = (e) => {
  if(Math.random() > 0.8) {
    document.title = `【${Math.random() > 0.5 ? 'Urgent' : 'Important'}】Action Required`;
  }
};

Terminal Camouflage

Run this command in the terminal to look like you're compiling a massive project:

while true; do
  echo "[$(date +'%T')] Compiling ${RANDOM} files..."
  sleep $((RANDOM % 5 + 2))
done

Generate work status with ASCII art:

// Run in Node.js
const frames = [
  `
  ⣾ WORKING HARD ⣷
  [======    ] 60%
  `,
  `
  ⣽ CRUNCHING DATA ⣻
  [========  ] 80%
  `
];
let i = 0;
setInterval(() => {
  console.clear();
  console.log(frames[i = (i + 1) % frames.length]);
}, 800);